Ok Can You Guys Stop Trying Now

The Arizona Cardinals are mirroring the infamous DAO hack of the Ethereum network of 2016 in a number of ways. “Ok can you guys top trading” are the infamous words of a foolish man who orchestrated the chain intervention to reverse the hack and I imagine Bidwell was on the phone after the game saying something similar. The code was faulty, the opportunity for the exploit was there, and yet someone tried to reverse it and stepped in and change the future. The Cardinals are built from similar faulty code and by all means should have been tanking this season. Our short king is hurt, we have a new coach, Deandre gone, still have a high school weight room at our Tempe training facility, other offseason personnel moves that all but indicated a tank, and Bidwell still owns the team. Yet, through four weeks of the NFL season one thing has been made clear to the writing staff at Trade the Cardinals, Jon G fucks. I am damn near shocked at how the Cardinals have been playing the first four games and it is about time that I abandon my hopes for the Cardinals tank season. As a wise man once said, Jon G really put the fuck juice in this Arizona Cardinals team.

Things were dim before the season started but this newfound fuck juice is an unexpected catalyst that is making me rethink everything that I wanted to happen this season. At this point I am in limbo. I am still emotionally invested in the tank yet I bet on the Cardinals to cover the spread this weekend. That is a prime example of languishing in limbo. And they almost did cover! Two opportunities to score a touchdown at the end of the game and the fuck juice ran dry as the balls were dropped in the endzone. I haven’t seen balls dropped like that since my middle school locker room. I don’t have much to say about this game as I don’t know how I feel about this team just yet. We secured the loss but this Cardinals team has more fuck juice than that middle school locker room from all those decades ago.

In other news our Intern is presumably having a bit of legal trouble himself. After last year’s debacles we decided to reward him with a trip in the offseason to unwind and relax. We really pushed him to go on a darkness retreat but given all the darkness from last year we decided that maybe some sunshine and tanned skinned biddies would be best so we decided on Lahaina, Hawaii. Unfortunately, within a week of his visit we started receiving ominous text messages about our accident insurance and legal staff before he went dark. If anyone has seen our intern since mid August please email us at tradethecardinals@gmail.com as we are beginning to expect the worst. He has shown that he is capable of sorting out his debacles himself and if God is good he will be in Thailand following after the great Kliff Kingsbury after causing millions in damage and looking for a second chance.