A Trade Proposal: Lagoat aka Lamar Jackson for Kyler Murray

This is NOT a popular opinion within the Trade The Cardinals Organization but it is headed to print nonetheless. The Arizona Cardinals should trade Kyler Murray for Lagoat aka Lamar Jackson. Before you call Jonah Coronado or our editor and scream to them that I should be suspended again, hear me out. Hear me out like how Steve Keim hears that a hefty bald man with a goatee from the Arizona Cardinals was caught groping a security guard in Mexico City, with extreme focus and the motivation to make a trade ASAP.

Lagoat aka Lamar Jackson can lead the Red Birds to more wins that our short king Kyler Murray. It’s been on my chest for awhile and it’s a relief to get it off. I think Kyler has been the best draft pick by the Cardinals since Larry Fitz. But I love Lagoat. He is a better quarterback and a better leader. What is there not to like about him? He had an injury? Where is our short king? It happens and there is nothing wrong with that but what have you heard around the league regarding Kyler Murray this offseason? That it is unlikely he will be fully healthy by the start of next season and that he needs to mature and grow up. In one offseason Kyler is expected to fully recover from his knee injury and grow into mature leader. Can Kyler really do both this off season? Is this even possible in the Cardinals derelict weightrooms? I hope so. I hope for it more than I hope for Maria to call me (Maria, Gregory is cheating on you, call me!). I truly hope Kyler achieves his potential or better yet, the potential that his fans think he is capable of. Yet, why roll the dice when there is a proven alternative? Why roll the dice and have our 2023-2024 season end up like Takeoff in a bowling alley? One can only shoot dice so many times before your migos are gone and you have to flee for exit sign and trade the team. I propose a trade that will preserve that dice roll and lead to a higher ROI for the Red Birds.

Trade Kyler Murray to the Ravens and sign Lamar Jackson to near the same deal that Kyler has.

Due to the nonexclusive franchise tag that the Ravens hit Lagoat with the trade could go down in a few different ways. In order to sign Lagoat away from the Ravens another team will have to make Lagoat an offer he can't refuse but the Ravens can as The Ravens have the ability to retain him if they are willing to match that contract. Furthermore, if the Cardinals signed him away they would need to supply the Ravens with first round draft picks in both this year and next years draft. As such, that sly roundabout maneuver is not preferable and I view a trade of the two quarterbacks straight up with possible draft compensation tossed in there to sweeten the deal up as preferable. Lagoat and our short king have very similar production in the stat columns and by the Ravens bringing on Kyler they would have a very similar quarterback likely on a smaller contract and with even smaller guaranteed money than Lagoat is commanding.

If we were able to replace all of Kyler’s salary from our cap with Lagoat, possibly enrich our balance sheet with a draft pick or two, and have a quarterback of equal if not greater value for our season opener, who says no? You gonna sit there and read this and tell me that Michael “Bid-low” Bidwell is afraid to call the bluff of the sunk cost and save the next season? Mr. Bidlow, who shitcanned both Head coach Steve Wilkes and first round draft pick Josh Rosen after one now forgotten season? If Bid-low traded Kyler and signed Lagoat it may actually result in higher revenues than are currently expected for the 2023 season which may cover the additional guaranteed money that Lagoat is requesting and is certainly due.

Both are incredibly talented young mobile quarterbacks that have had a track record of success so let’s take a look at some stats of Lagoat and our short king. Drafted in 2018, Lagoat has played in 70 (started in 61) games and averages 237 total yards per game, 1.76 total TD per game, and .67 total turnovers per game. Our short King? Drafted in 2019 and playing in 57 games, so far our short king has averaged 281 total yards per game, 1.87 total touchdowns per game, and .78 total turnovers per game. In that same time Lamar Jackson has won one unanimous MVP (second ever) and gone to two Probowls while Kyler was the rookie of the year in 2019 and went to two bowls himself. Lagoat has also led his murder of ravens to the playoffs three times while our short king has only played in the post season once. We all know how that game went and I don’t need to remind you but in case you forgot, our short king went 19 for 34 passing with 137 yards, 2 interceptions where one was returned for a touchdown, and only six rushing yards. In the Rams opening drive in the second half Odell Beckham threw a 40 yard pass and had more passing yards than our short king until the following drive. I do not mean to intentionally rub salt in the wound but I was more disappointed than a retired pharmaceutical salesman on a first date with a Scottsdale Biddy only to find his Cialis didn’t work.

In that same timeframe LaGoat has started 61 games and boasts a record of 45-16 while our short king has started 57 games resulting in a whimpering 25-31-1 record. 74% winning percentage for Lagoat vs 44% for our short king. Ladies and Gentlemen I am truly sorry to say this but The Cardinals need a Baller in the backfield and not a gamer. The Cardinals need a shot caller in the back field, someone with the presence to whip twenty inch rims on the impala.

The last thing I will speak on regarding this trade is the money. Denny Greens is never one to talk about another man’s money but given the contract that Deshaun Watson was given it is necessary. Alleged serial sex criminal Deshaun Watson was awarded with a $230,000,000 fully guaranteed contract. That’s $10,000,000 for every civil lawsuit he settled confidentially. Deshaun stinks. I said it. Deshaun and his litany of allegations and settlements stink. Rumor has it Robert Kraft allegedly blacklisted him because he said that there haven’t been enough happy endings in New England lately to bring in someone like him. We are not sure exactly what that means but we are investigating. Who is to say that Deshaun will even be the same player late into that contract after not being able to get massages anymore? Of the three great young mobile quarterbacks mentioned in this article, who is most deserving of a fully guaranteed contract? Lagoat. The proof is in the puddin folks, and the pudding tastes like Lagoat.

Kyler Murray’s contract extension came in the same amount that Deshaun’s did but with only $189M fully guaranteed. And where is our short king this offseason? Rehabbing in the Cardinals crumbling facilities hoping to avoid a staff infection at best. At worst? Holed up four days deep in his gaming dungeon on his most recent binge while surrounded by empty Chinese cartons like the set of a 90s sitcom. Does anyone even know what game Kyler plays that he is so addicted to?

Pay Lagoat. Don’t tank next year. Send over our short king and give Lagoat Kyler’s contract, fully guaranteed if need be. I got 5 on it if it comes to pass.

Everyone wants to live on an island but no one wants to burn any bridges. Denny Greens is here to say this: you can make your own island anytime you want so long as you are willing to burn bridges. I hope I have not burned any bridges with Kyler’s camp but Lagoat, you are welcome on Denny Greens Island anytime and with that I hope I do not get suspended again.