TRADE OF THE WEEK: WEEK 1 I Can't Believe It's not Defense

Well there’s no beating around the bush on the Week 1 Trade of the Week. The cardinals looked sluggish and unconcerned on Sunday like hippies rolling out of Woodstock in 69 and that falls on the GM and the coaching staff first and foremost. In the opening drive of the game Patrick Mahomes lost $500,000 by not being able to promote his headband merchandise because he didn’t break a single bead of sweat while driving 75 yards to float an easy TD. The Cardinals defense was barely able to stop the chiefs during the game and even gave up a rushing touchdown at the end of the game when the Chiefs were mostly running the ball to bleed the clock. In a drive that lasted longer than Robert Kraft in a massage room, the Chiefs rushed 6 times for 40 yards and completed 2 of 3 passes to move the chains only the only third downs of the drive to score a touchdown in 5 minutes. If there was a butter that could be cut through as smoothly as the Chiefs cut through the Cardinals defense, I would probably call it margarine because I cant believe how buttery soft the defense was today.

Not only was our defense laughably lazy today, our offense looked unprepared as if half of the playbooks of the personnel were eaten by their dogs, except they all ate different pages. The only person who came up shorter than Kliff Kingsbury today was Kyler Murray as he failed to throw his height in passing yards per attempt averaging just 4.4 yards per pass. Readers, I hate to break it to you but those are midget numbers as the threshold for having dwarfism is 4 ft 10 in. Kyler’s little legs proudly outperformed his arm as he averaged 5.8 yards per rush but even his rushing stats didn’t surpass his 5 ft 10in height (5.833ft). Perhaps NFL rushing QB legend Michael Vick could shed more light on Kyler Murray’s outing, the curious case of the dogs dining on playbooks, and what the Cardinals should do to address all of the above. (Michael Vick has yet to respond to our interview request).

As the ancient proverb reads: Ultimately, it’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog that matters.

And our dog is the smallest in the dog in the pound.

Trade of the Week: Kliff Kingsbury

Bright Spot of the Week: Deandre Hopkins

Deandre Hopkins was the most productive player on Sunday as he continued his workouts and did not get hurt. He is the only receiver taking care of his body and avoiding injuries and showed his selflessness by showing up to support his team.